As the FBCW Fantasy Football World Turns (2018)
Volume 2, Issue 1
One quarter of the way through the NFL Football season, Team Camacho and Nittla Time lead the league with 632 points a piece and along with Logan Urbina’s Super Team, a perfect 4-0 record. That leaves the rest of us looking for that perfect waiver-wire add to put us over the top. Nittla Time is managed by Nittler and his 10 year-old son, Zach. That means we are all getting schooled by a 10 year old. Think about that. I know it’s just fantasy – but that is a little sad. Unless of course you are Mark Garza, who seems to think we use golf scoring to determine the winner. He is second on the Golf 3:16 leader board-in case you are wondering.
Super Team (Logan Urbina) is undefeated and top five in points. This team was compiled by lots of study, hard work, endless dedication, and auto-draft. When asked about his team, Urbina Responded, “I’m just blessed to be in this situation. These guys play hard. They’ve got heart. We’re just taking it one day at a time and laying it all on the line every game.” So just to review, the computer and a 10 year-old are smarter than all of us.
Perennial cellar-dweller, Nick Garcia, with his ultra-creative name – Team Garcia, has found success drafting the entire NY Giants football team. Only in a fantasy world can the terrible 1-3 Giants football team make Nick Garcia’s Fantasy team a force to be reckoned with and cause Pastor Parker to question his life choices after his Preacher’s Punishers fell asleep during the sermon and lost to Team Garcia 127-124 in week 1.
Speaking of the Punishers, Goff’s 55 points would have been enough for a week 4 league-high score, but the Preacher strayed off the straight and narrow by putting his faith in FitzMAGIC! Someone needs to remind Pastor Parker that there is no award for most points on the bench. Regardless, the Preacher’s direct line to The Almighty helped squeak out a Week 3 win over Steve Urbina’s Team - 5 by .5 and another nail-biter in Week 4. Not only did Hunt put the game away with a TD with only 1:39 left in the game, some higher power guided an overthrow to a wide-open Demaryius Thomas that would have stolen the win for Team Fernandez. Maybe we should pay more attention to those sermons on prayer.
Team Vela had more important things on his mind this week and gave half his Fantasy Team the week off. Having a beautiful and healthy newborn baby on Sunday is probably better than any fantasy victory…probably.
Like a Kama Kama Kama Kamara Chameleon, Team Alvarado and Antonio’s Brownies have quietly compiled a solid 3-1 record on the back of Alvin Kamara, Fantasy Football’s #1 Scorer!
Hogan finally found a Hero in the Red Rocket who carried his team to his first win with fellow Bengal Bernard. AH SI finally stopped saying, “Oh No!” as Sterling Shepherded his team to a win over Team Garcia.
What can John Brown do for you? He can help The Barrookies and his Gurley team grab his first win over the Dissly’d Team Hosey
Biggest Disappointments So Far:
The Irish Vikings– Manager Robin Wiley started out the season with a firm declaration of, “I’m going to win it all.” After a 1-3 start and a 3 game losing streak, it looks like her team might be over the Tyreek’s Hill. If these Norse Pillagers are going to find any Irish Kareem Hunt for their coffee, they’ll need to give a little more Eifert. She was actually heard saying, “Why even try?” in regards to her matchup with David Mata.
Defending Super Bowl Champ, Rene Garcia has stumbled out of the gates following the fate of Fournette who has only played 6 quarters this year. If Aaron Rodgers can get right, Leonard Fournette can return to form and Kirk Cousins can stay Hooked on A. Theilen, Garcia may have a chance to recreate last year’s Super Bowl magic.
Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Foot? I was the first few weeks of the season. But Bryan Parker might need to loan his scooter to D. Cook and J. Ajayi who have struggled to get moving the last few weeks.
Team Prime Time(Joe Aguilar) lost to Joey Starks a Lot (Joe Rangel) thanks to Tucker’s kicking touch. Time will tell if Obregon or Golf 3:16 will hear Laveon’s Bell or if Antonio’s Brownies or Team Matt will see Josh Gordon flash. There is hope that Delta Slaughter House (Elke Allen)will taste victory and that Super Team, Camacho, and Nittla Time will smell the agony of defeat. Until next time, feel free to send your own fantasy football stories to firstname.lastname@example.org for the week 8 issue of As the FBCW Fantasy Football World Turns. Unless of course someone else wants to write one before then!
Last Year's Updates
Fantasy Football Champ 2017
Preacher's Punishers managed to lay the ultimate egg as Team Garcia limped into the Super Bowl with three of his best players resting or injured. But we do not play to be merciful here. Even with five offensive players in single digits (yes that was a double entendre), Team Garcia's defense and S. Diggs helped Matty ice the Preachers, who just couldn't reach down to dole out any more punishment.
If you're looking for the standings for the rest of the league or some mention of your team name here, you'll have to look elsewhere. We only play for first here! Those of you who gummed up the waiver wire by playing past your ousting from the playoffs, I would like to share a quote from the Karate Kid Part II, "Second Place is no place!" We play to win here and Rene Garcia, you are the champ. You join a short list of champions before you (I said a short list, not short champions), but it is a list that seems to be lost in storage of a certain music minister's trunk. Since the church made budget last year, we might be able to dust off that plaque and have it updated from the last few years! Stay tuned for the Fantasy Football dinner honoring our newest champ!
Previous Updates...From December
The King is dead. The reign of David Mata has come to a close as the fantasy football playoffs have begun without him! It looks like the 3rd and 4th seeds in each division are going to upset the top two seeds as Cam Newton Shaked N Baked over the heavily favored Team Arthritis, who I believe struggled to get out of bed this morning. In the battle of least creative names, Team Garcia finally ended Team Obregon's "got just the right matchup each week" lackluster season. The early season favorite Road Runner finally Kareem Hunted down some points and should take down Team MATT if P. Murray can kick a few through the uprights tonight - and not miss too many! Finally, in the battle of two Goliaths, Preacher's Punishers should pick up a Marquis Good-win over Macho Camacho if K. Neal can tackle more than air and M. Sanu can have more catches than fumbles. Too bad Camacho...Macho's Gurley man performance was enough to take down every other team in the playoffs...except for the anointed punishers. As for the rest of the league, since we only have the Cowboys to root for now, let's give out some superlatives.
Most likely to Change his given name to Rangel: Logan Urbina
Most likely to forget his team name: Ramiro Vela
Best Team Name with a star player who barely played this year and was associated with a Star Wars Film: O.B. 1-3 Kenobi Jr.
Most likely to have a Tom Brady Poster in their bedroom: Nittla Time
Most Likely to be last place again next year: Team Sharkfield
Any I left out? Let me know