First Baptist Church Fantasy Football League By-Laws
The First Baptist Church Weslaco (FBCW) Fantasy Football League exists to provide fellowship between the members of FBCW who love God, sports, and occasionally busting chops. Those who participate should remember that this is a ministry in a church to provide fellowship and starts with the word “Fantasy.” It is not real. It is a game based on the production of professional athletes who do not care about you or your fantasy team. They too need Jesus, not curses from those of us who are mad at their lack of production, injuries, or off field problems. Let’s have fun playing, but good fences make good neighbors, so here are some rules.
Article I - Contacting League Officers
Your league officers are available if you have any questions or are in need of assistance. Our main advice to first-timers is to budget $20-$25 for a kicker and twice that for your DST. If you like the rules and want to extend compliments, call Ray. For all complaints, call Steven.
For league-specific issues (Ballers and Thumpers), please contact your league commissioner first. If the league commissioner is unavailable, you may contact the other commissioner.
Steven Nittler (Bible Thumpers)
Ray Sanchez (Baptist Ballers)
Article II - League Entry, Fees and Fellowships
League Entry will be open to all people with a connection to FBCW via the church webpage. Every accommodation will be made to include all who sign-up with a priority given to returning managers.
As a ministry of FBCW, this league is for bragging rights only. There is a plaque somewhere that has the names of past winners, but as David Mata is on there too much so we aren’t too worried about finding it and updating it.
If fees are collected in the future, they may only be used to further the ministries of FBCW (or another non-profit) and not for personal gain of the managers.
The league commissioner(s) will schedule at least one FF fellowship. Each attendee, except the Champ(s), will cover their part of the expenses for the fellowship.
Article III - Playoff Configuration and Tattoos
Each league will implement a 6 - team Championship playoff bracket. The top 6 teams will be determined first by win/loss record, regardless of “divisions.” Total points will be used as a tie-breaker if necessary. Final tie-breaker will be head-to-head. The Championship playoffs start on week 13 of the NFL regular season and last 3 weeks with the top two teams (regardless of division) getting a “bye” in the first playoff week. The bye-week team with the highest score for the first week of the playoffs will pick their opponent for week 2 of the playoffs. Each league will declare a champion in the Week 16 Super-Bowl. The champion earning the most points for week 16 will be declared, “Grand-Superbowl Champion of the Entire World!” (copyright www.raysanchezmusic.com)
This title must be tattooed on the victor’s body if they and their spouse agree to all terms. The last placed member of each league will be required to get a tattoo chosen by the champion if all managers involved and their spouses unanimously agree on the all terms. If no agreement can be found, a sticker or stick-on tattoo may act as a substitute.
Article IV – Auction Draft/Draft Order and Free Agency
An auction draft will be implemented with each team having $200 to draft their team. Draft order will be determined by the computer an hour before the draft. In the auction style draft, draft order has a minimal effect on the outcome of the draft. The computer has a “max bid” feature that will ensure you can afford an entire team.
The waiver wire will occur each week with a total bidding budget for the year of $100 per team. No money will be carried over from the draft. Players not taken on the waiver wire will be available for free agent pickup on a first-come-first-serve basis.
Article V - Trade Guidelines
All trades will be approved or vetoed by the commissioner. Trades not vetoed will be automatically accepted within 24 hours of submission. Collusion will be the only grounds for a veto. Collusion is “secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy, especially in order to cheat or deceive others.” I bet you expected a Trump or Hillary joke…but, because there is no money or election results involved and we all love Jesus, we will operate under the assumption that neither side is trying to cheat or deceive others – in Fantasy Football. Trading should be a fun and strategic part of the game.
No King Makers- Teams who are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs should refrain from trades. These “King Makers” are essentially choosing the victor which pretty much sounds like, “If I can’t win, then I’m just going to take my ball and go home.” Real mature. People who cheat aren’t fun to play with…don’t cheat! If someone trades their players so that David Mata does not win the Super Bowl, that will be allowed - Just Kidding.
Article VI - Creating New League Rules
When a league dispute arises which has not been addressed in the league constitution, a discussion will ensue on possible resolutions to the dispute. Based on these discussions, the Commissioner(s) will create an online poll so that owners can vote on an appropriate course of action.
The league will follow the course of action based on a plurality of league votes. Also, we will create a new rule in the league constitution based on the result of the league poll so that similar disputes will be resolved in the same manner.
Article VII- Roster Spots - Based on Number of Teams in the League(s)
10 Team (11/16)
2 Flex (TE/RB/WR)
5 Bench Players
12 Team (9/15)
1 Flex (TE/RB/WR)
6 Bench Players
14 Team (9/14)
2 Flex (TE/RB/WR)
5 Bench Players
Article VIII- Scoring
Scoring will be based on a PPR decimal scoring system with bonuses. See ESPN app for official league scoring and please report any discrepancies.
· All TD’s will be awarded 6 points (QB’s included). 2 pt Conversions = 2 pts.
· Each reception is 1 pt
· Each receiving/rushing yard is worth will be multiplied by .1
· passing yard will be multiplied by .05
· Interceptions and fumbles (recovered by other team) are -2
· Kickers will be penalized more for missing short “gimme” kicks and less for missing long kicks: 0-39 (+3 for make, -5 for miss); 40-49 (+4, -3); 50+ (+5, 0); Extra Point (+1, -1)
· DST – Negative points when allowing 28 points and 350 yards (See ESPN App)
· Sacks and turnovers are worth 2 points
· Bonuses for > 100 yards and > 200 rushing/receiving will be awarded 1 pt for each marker
· Bonuses for > 300 and > 400 yards passing will be awarded 1 point for each marker
· Tie games will be recorded as a tie. Bench Points will determine playoff game ties.
Article IX- This is Fantasy, Not Reality
The actual game is a fantasy. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s fun to win, but don’t let it get you down when you lose. It takes skill anda little luck to win a Super Bowl. Maybe we can spend some time reading our Bible App before we read fantasy articles each day. The reality is that God has called you to his kingdom. You will be more ready for service if you spend time reading his word that was written so you can know him better than you know the players in the NFL. Spend time with your families. Make time for exercise. Read a book. Take your spouse out on a date. Buy pastor Ray dinner sometime. Serve God’s kingdom.
Article X – The “Complete” Article
I don’t know, it just felt like there should be 10 articles, like the commandments. So, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself.
Disclaimer:Until recently, fantasy football at FBCW was held in higher esteem on our website than our Bess Knapp Daycare that ministers to young children and their families throughout the year. We are deeply sorry for our oversight and the pain that was caused by those who could not find Bess Knapp under our ministry tab at www.fbcweslaco.org. We are happy to report that Bess Knapp is working on their tab and will soon hold a place of equal or greater importance on our church website. Go Erica Mata!
Disclaimer Part Deux:You do not have to buy Pastor Ray dinner. I mean, you can, but it is not necessary in serving God’s kingdom. I’m sure God would approve, but again, it won’t help with your fantasy team, and I’m not sure that you will receive any special blessing from it – except the satisfaction of doing something nice for someone who worked really hard to put this constitution together by copying it off of some website. All the bad parts were put in there by Steven Nittler, but Jesus loves him anyway and you should too.
As the FBCW Fantasy Football World Turns (2018)
Volume 2, Issue 2
I do not have the energy to write a long creative article about how David Mata managed to win the Super Bowl again. Everyone was afraid of the Big Bad Foot, but once again Why Even Try? lived up to his name. In a press conference after the Super Bowl Mata humbly professed, “I am so humbled to be able to dominate this group of wannabe fantasy football managers. It’s not bragging because you guys really don’t know what you are doing.” I hope we all try a little harder this year because the last thing we need is for David Mata to win again. Until draft day, may we enjoy fellowship, friends, and fantasy football in the Father, Spirit, Son.
As the FBCW Fantasy Football World Turns (2018)
Volume 2, Issue 1
One quarter of the way through the NFL Football season, Team Camacho and Nittla Time lead the league with 632 points a piece and along with Logan Urbina’s Super Team, a perfect 4-0 record. That leaves the rest of us looking for that perfect waiver-wire add to put us over the top. Nittla Time is managed by Nittler and his 10 year-old son, Zach. That means we are all getting schooled by a 10 year old. Think about that. I know it’s just fantasy – but that is a little sad. Unless of course you are Mark Garza, who seems to think we use golf scoring to determine the winner. He is second on the Golf 3:16 leader board-in case you are wondering.
Super Team (Logan Urbina) is undefeated and top five in points. This team was compiled by lots of study, hard work, endless dedication, and auto-draft. When asked about his team, Urbina Responded, “I’m just blessed to be in this situation. These guys play hard. They’ve got heart. We’re just taking it one day at a time and laying it all on the line every game.” So just to review, the computer and a 10 year-old are smarter than all of us.
Perennial cellar-dweller, Nick Garcia, with his ultra-creative name – Team Garcia, has found success drafting the entire NY Giants football team. Only in a fantasy world can the terrible 1-3 Giants football team make Nick Garcia’s Fantasy team a force to be reckoned with and cause Pastor Parker to question his life choices after his Preacher’s Punishers fell asleep during the sermon and lost to Team Garcia 127-124 in week 1.
Speaking of the Punishers, Goff’s 55 points would have been enough for a week 4 league-high score, but the Preacher strayed off the straight and narrow by putting his faith in FitzMAGIC! Someone needs to remind Pastor Parker that there is no award for most points on the bench. Regardless, the Preacher’s direct line to The Almighty helped squeak out a Week 3 win over Steve Urbina’s Team - 5 by .5 and another nail-biter in Week 4. Not only did Hunt put the game away with a TD with only 1:39 left in the game, some higher power guided an overthrow to a wide-open Demaryius Thomas that would have stolen the win for Team Fernandez. Maybe we should pay more attention to those sermons on prayer.
Team Vela had more important things on his mind this week and gave half his Fantasy Team the week off. Having a beautiful and healthy newborn baby on Sunday is probably better than any fantasy victory…probably.
Like a Kama Kama Kama Kamara Chameleon, Team Alvarado and Antonio’s Brownies have quietly compiled a solid 3-1 record on the back of Alvin Kamara, Fantasy Football’s #1 Scorer!
Hogan finally found a Hero in the Red Rocket who carried his team to his first win with fellow Bengal Bernard. AH SI finally stopped saying, “Oh No!” as Sterling Shepherded his team to a win over Team Garcia.
What can John Brown do for you? He can help The Barrookies and his Gurley team grab his first win over the Dissly’d Team Hosey
Biggest Disappointments So Far:
The Irish Vikings– Manager Robin Wiley started out the season with a firm declaration of, “I’m going to win it all.” After a 1-3 start and a 3 game losing streak, it looks like her team might be over the Tyreek’s Hill. If these Norse Pillagers are going to find any Irish Kareem Hunt for their coffee, they’ll need to give a little more Eifert. She was actually heard saying, “Why even try?” in regards to her matchup with David Mata.
Defending Super Bowl Champ, Rene Garcia has stumbled out of the gates following the fate of Fournette who has only played 6 quarters this year. If Aaron Rodgers can get right, Leonard Fournette can return to form and Kirk Cousins can stay Hooked on A. Theilen, Garcia may have a chance to recreate last year’s Super Bowl magic.
Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Foot? I was the first few weeks of the season. But Bryan Parker might need to loan his scooter to D. Cook and J. Ajayi who have struggled to get moving the last few weeks.
Team Prime Time(Joe Aguilar) lost to Joey Starks a Lot (Joe Rangel) thanks to Tucker’s kicking touch. Time will tell if Obregon or Golf 3:16 will hear Laveon’s Bell or if Antonio’s Brownies or Team Matt will see Josh Gordon flash. There is hope that Delta Slaughter House (Elke Allen)will taste victory and that Super Team, Camacho, and Nittla Time will smell the agony of defeat. Until next time, feel free to send your own fantasy football stories to firstname.lastname@example.org for the week 8 issue of As the FBCW Fantasy Football World Turns. Unless of course someone else wants to write one before then!
Last Year's Updates
Fantasy Football Champ 2017
Preacher's Punishers managed to lay the ultimate egg as Team Garcia limped into the Super Bowl with three of his best players resting or injured. But we do not play to be merciful here. Even with five offensive players in single digits (yes that was a double entendre), Team Garcia's defense and S. Diggs helped Matty ice the Preachers, who just couldn't reach down to dole out any more punishment.
If you're looking for the standings for the rest of the league or some mention of your team name here, you'll have to look elsewhere. We only play for first here! Those of you who gummed up the waiver wire by playing past your ousting from the playoffs, I would like to share a quote from the Karate Kid Part II, "Second Place is no place!" We play to win here and Rene Garcia, you are the champ. You join a short list of champions before you (I said a short list, not short champions), but it is a list that seems to be lost in storage of a certain music minister's trunk. Since the church made budget last year, we might be able to dust off that plaque and have it updated from the last few years! Stay tuned for the Fantasy Football dinner honoring our newest champ!
Previous Updates...From December
The King is dead. The reign of David Mata has come to a close as the fantasy football playoffs have begun without him! It looks like the 3rd and 4th seeds in each division are going to upset the top two seeds as Cam Newton Shaked N Baked over the heavily favored Team Arthritis, who I believe struggled to get out of bed this morning. In the battle of least creative names, Team Garcia finally ended Team Obregon's "got just the right matchup each week" lackluster season. The early season favorite Road Runner finally Kareem Hunted down some points and should take down Team MATT if P. Murray can kick a few through the uprights tonight - and not miss too many! Finally, in the battle of two Goliaths, Preacher's Punishers should pick up a Marquis Good-win over Macho Camacho if K. Neal can tackle more than air and M. Sanu can have more catches than fumbles. Too bad Camacho...Macho's Gurley man performance was enough to take down every other team in the playoffs...except for the anointed punishers. As for the rest of the league, since we only have the Cowboys to root for now, let's give out some superlatives.
Most likely to Change his given name to Rangel: Logan Urbina
Most likely to forget his team name: Ramiro Vela
Best Team Name with a star player who barely played this year and was associated with a Star Wars Film: O.B. 1-3 Kenobi Jr.
Most likely to have a Tom Brady Poster in their bedroom: Nittla Time
Most Likely to be last place again next year: Team Sharkfield
Any I left out? Let me know